RANT 'N' RAVE
The Zen of Looking Busy
The art of looking busy in a Japanese
office is far more difficult than the old "hang around until the boss leaves"
trick, and more cunning than the head down over a keyboard lark. It also takes far more
dedication.
It's all very well to sit at a computer with a furrowed brow, typing furiously. But it's
not right. That caper went out of the business world with huge shoulder pads. Everyone
knows that computer plus over-serious face equals surfing the 'Net. And surfing the 'Net
is not only easily found out, it is also punishable by amputation in a growing number of
offices.
Poring over a file is not much better. Granted, most people who sit staring intently at
one file are actually working. Sitting there, getting gradually more sweaty, blood
pressure soaring at the amount of wrong figures, wondering what the hell is going to
happen if they get caught red-handed with this dog's breakfast. This is wrong, as it goes
against the whole philosophy of looking busy, because you actually are busy.
Even worse is sitting at a desk, staring into space. Dead giveaway. A fundamental rule of
the office is that if you are idle, don't show off. And staring into space is the
office equivalent of wearing fluorescent tights and riding a unicycle whilst juggling
chainsaws.
Strolling between desks is also out. This activity is reserved for the headbusting section
manager, or the hapless tea lady (sorry O.L.). If the common drone is seen desk-touring
for any length of time, he is immediately marked as either a) gunning for the manager's
job, or b) harboring a secret desire to wear tan pantyhose; neither of which are desirable
brushes to be tarred with.
No, the art of looking busy when you are not (more commonly known as "working")
is far more complex. It involves a combination of all the above, none for any length of
time. The true "worker" arrives early for the ten-o'clock meeting, is seen
scratching his head at some figures on a piece of paper, walks purposefully to a computer
terminal (even if there's one at his desk), bangs the calculator keys, adjusts his tie,
picks up the phone, mutters a few otsukare's and yoroshiku's, slams the
phone down and goes back to the figures, where he starts the ritual again.
To all the world he looks busy, but the figures are actually the form card for the third
race at Nakayama Keibajo, the stuff he's doing on the computer is a tough game of
"Solitaire," and the phone calls are to the dry cleaners and Pizza Hut. Genius.
Many thanks to reader Matt Butler for this Rant. |
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