RANT 'N' RAVE
Escalator clots
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Illustration by Dot |
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You know who you are! You hop on the
escalators in pairs or threesomes and stand side by side blocking the flow of passenger
platelets like gelatinous globs of cholesterol (the bad kind). Bovine-like, you chew on
the cud of your conversations while behind you the over-polite populace steams in a stew
of unvoiced vehemence willing you to stop being so bloody obtuse and LOOK AROUND! WE'VE
GOT TRAINS TO CATCH! PEOPLE TO MEET!
You take the world by the horns and pin it to a standstill. "Single file" to you
means the place you store the Personal Ads you clip from Tokyo Classified. You
lounge on the escalator in oblivion, as though it's the second most boring amusement park
ride in the known universe (second only to Mr. Toad's Mild Ride) gabbing incessantly about
Kimutaku's new hairstyle or the phenomenal rise of the yen.
You operate under the assumption that the world is your oyster and slipping down your
throat at the speed of a bolus of molasses. Meanwhile the bad karma building up in your
account from the Tokyoites silently cursing your kinetically-challenged hides threatens to
make your next life that of a mite in a sumo wrestler's fundoshi (and not in the
padded part).
Next time, take a moment to contemplate the myriad lifestyles of your fellow denizens who
may have less of the leisure time allotted the likes of you, and who may, in fact, have
schedules to keep. Consider the plight of the rushed and routed ones, racing to their
respective destinations, trying to beat the trilling bell of the soon-to-close subway
doors. Allow the foot traffic to flow in a free-for-all frenetic firestorm and recognize
its frenzied glory. Hang to one side and LET MY PEOPLE GO!!
To counterattack those who might postulate that those of us in a hurry ought to leave
earlier, well... okay, you got a point. But then again, the less time I spend going from
"a" to "n" (in the Japanese alphabet), the more time I can spend at
home doing what I want or what I must.
Some say getting there is half the fun. They don't live in Tokyo. And I'll bet they've
never been stuck on an escalator listening to the train pull away as a booger-clot of
conversationalists blithely span the escalator from side to rubber-railed side like bar
bouncers on a field trip.
Many thanks to reader Don Campbell for this Rant.
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