RANT 'N' RAVE
Bring on the Studmuffins!
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Illustration by Dot |
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Newcomers to the Tokyo area rely on Rant
and Rave for real insider info on Japanese life. But imagine how depressed YOU would be if
your first eight weeks were filled with nonstop rant! This column clearly needs a rave.
A great big THANK YOU! goes to Tokyo Classified for the Men Seeking Women
personals section. Even more deserving of appreciation are the men responsible for Hotmail
usernames like luckyloneranger, pumpuhard2000, 12inchesofgranite and virilestud, and their
corresponding ads requesting everything from French-fried kogyaru to pet hamsters to
schoolgirl virgins about to be sacrificed on stone altars, tied down with their loose
socks. I don't know if these men ever receive responses, but I suppose I must thank the
women who make it worth the effort for these gentlemen to spend hours thinking up
testosterone-laden handles and overwhelmingly enticing blurbs. Each week, I can hardly
wait for the new TC to come out in print or on the Web, so that I can see what
kind of ridiculous spew will be presented for my few minutes of uncontrollable laughter.
In fact, I've found it hard over the past few weeks to keep myself from instantaneously
flying to my keyboard to scratch up a response (I really would like to see your 12 inches
of granite) but alas, I suppose I am just a bit too shy. One day, before I leave Japan, I
will place such an ad myself, just to see what kind of responses I get.
I can only speculate on how much activity you guys get out of ads like this, but I must
give up one last HURRAH! for the sense of freedom and anonymity we all get from living in
a foreign country. Though in physical appearance we individually stand out from a Japanese
crowd like neon floodlights in a dark, sleepy town, life in Japan provides a cloak behind
which we feel it safe to do things we would never do in our home countries. How many of
you devastatingly handsome, tall, hung-like-a-horse, Olympic athletes would have placed an
ad promising to satisfy our every need with spectacularly orgasmic pleasure in your
hometown? Ah ha, I thought so. In a positive sense, we lose our inhibitions and pursue
with a vengeance those things that would otherwise have been out of reach. But a part of
me feels a little uneasy with this freedom we feel; could it be that we find our
surroundings so foreign and isolating that we don't quite realize that the 127,000,000
people on the islands of Japan are real human beings, just like we are?
In any case, boys, carry on - hope you score big on this tiny island of exotic love!
Many thanks to reader Eileen Stephens for this Rave.
Got something to get off
your chest? Send your 500-word rant by fax to 3423-6931, or by email to rant@tokyoclassified.com |
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