Issue Index

Original Features

Practical

Food & Drink

Travel

Style

Music

Illustration by Yukiko Leitch

I am looking out over an empty street in Japan. The trees are blooming and the pollution level is low. It's about three in the afternoon and the sounds of a bustling housewife cleaning her little piece of Japan reaches me from the apartment below. Yet despite my peaceful surroundings, I am ready to hurl my laptop out the window. Welcome to the age of high-tech, low patience and emotional laptops.

It's amazing how everyone always says, it's so easy, all you have to do is... It is these ignorant people who are ruining what little sanity I have left. To me, this magical piece of technology is nothing more than a paperweight that makes funny noises when I attempt to extract my money's worth. Computers should show some respect and let me tinker to my heart's content. But no, my machine tells me that I cannot access the Internet because it will not allow it.

There are three things I hate most about this technological age. First, I hate the way the instructions make it seem so simple. When I tried to read the instruction booklet, I thought I was reading an unknown language where people only speak in acronyms. Second, I hate the way we are told by brain-dead celebrities that we must own this wonder of the twentieth century. These are the same people who make us feel crappy about ourselves because we don't have white teeth and anorexic bodies - why should I believe that they are able to operate a computer? Third, and probably most important, I hate myself because I, too, was sucked in by all the hype. Yes, it is true that I fell for the gimmicks of the smooth-talking salesperson who dazzled me with his knowledge of PCMIA slot cards, gigabytes and surfing the Web. As he completed the sale and handed me this supposedly magical piece of technology, he claimed it would change my life. "It'll give you access to the global village," he told me. Well, after days of trying, I think my global village has been napalmed. Bombed into a thousand pieces, still reeking of burning metal and mangled computer chips.

While I could sit here and wallow in self-loathing, I will not. Life is too short to have it wasted by incorrect computer commands and bleeping consternation from a machine that would not have life if it weren't for my inexperienced fingers. This whole computer business makes me feel like a teacher in front of an unruly crowd of students who are snickering and laughing at me. Well, to hell with technology and its wonders - there is always pen and paper.

Many thanks to TC readerKaren Townsend for this Rant and Rave.