RANT 'N' RAVE
The gaijin language snob
So, have you met him or her
yet? Don't worry, you will at some stage. The gaijin language snob has usually been living
in Japan for more than ten years, is either married to, or is in a serious relationship
with a Japanese, is MOST DEFINITELY NOT a humble English teacher, and seems to have lost
the ability to speak English. Not only that, but he regards the "blow ins" or
the FOTBs (fresh off the boat) gaijin as down there with Heinrich Himmler and Charles
Manson.
Lets call him "George," and I'm not being sexist, but if we are honest,
"he" is usually a he. George is typically in his late 30s and lives with wife
"Keiko" and two kids "Harumi Jean" and "Atsumi Leanne" in an
anonymous suburb (less contact with gaijin out there). George is from Minnesota but now
thinks he's from Gunma Prefecture. The most important day for George is the Emperor's
birthday. He works for a Japanese company now as a salaryman, but plays down his original
role - as, gasp - an English teacher. "I was young, I needed the money." Most
importantly, George speaks Japanese. Oh boy, does he really speak Japanese. Not only does
he speak Japanese, but also he feels that he must let every gaijin within a ten-mile
radius know that he speaks Japanese.
And here is the rant. You're in the 7-Eleven, struggling to understand why the old woman
is smiling eerily at you and asking you a question at 100mph simply because, by saying
"arigato" previously, you have indicated to her that you are fluent in the
Japanese tongue. As you sweat and gesture like Marcel Marceau on speed, the tut-tutting
from the gaijin behind you is making you nervous. He leans forward and says something to
the woman, who bows to you and says "gomenasai." Looking at the gaijin, who
turns to be our hero George, you smile to acknowledge his help, as he casually blanks you
and begins speaking to the woman, keeping an eye on you to make sure you see that he can
speak Japanese and you can't. Na na na na na!
George's language snobbery is his trophy, and he loves to show it to anyone who happens to
be around. In a video store recently, I saw George and his two kids milling about. The
excited kids were babbling away to pop in Japanese, who was answering them in English and
making sure that I could see what was happening. So folks, if you have the chance to meet
George, say a big "hi-diddly hi hi" for me!!
Many thanks to Brian O'Neill for this Rant.
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