By Don Morton

The Interpreter

African-born UN interpreter Nicole Kidman inadvertently overhears plans to assassinate the autocratic head of the oppressed country (a thinly disguised Zimbabwe) in which she grew up and reports it to the authorities. Which in this case is the Secret Service’s cynical, recently widowed Sean Penn. But after checking into her activist past, he doesn’t believe she’s such an innocent witness. They bicker. They bond. And no, all is not what it seems. Refreshingly, there’s no romantic subplot. Sydney Pollack’s (Three Days of the Condor, Tootsie, Out of Africa, The Firm) new thriller is smart, urgent, engrossing, subtle, and, given the state of affairs in Africa today, politically resonant. The fact that it is the first film to actually be shot at the UN gives it a certain authority. Pollack himself plays the head of the Secret Service. Also Catherine Keener, Jesper Christensen, Earl Cameron and Yvan Attal.

Cinemas 11 34 50 61 72 90 101 108 109 110 111 112 113 114 115 116 117 118 119

Closer

Mike Nichols’ viciously insightful film is not a love story. Love is only a weapon in this hurtful, emotionally violent film, and sex is a way to gain power. The characters, while not very likable, are disturbingly believable. We’re not exactly talking date movie here. It does, however, offer four outstanding acting performances. It chronicles four years in the lives of an obit writer (Jude Law), a photographer (Julia Roberts) a dermatologist (breakout role for Clive Owen) and a stripper (Natalie Portman, who owns the movie). Screenplay by Patrick Marber, based on his play.

Cinemas 4 5 30 48 63 81 90 96 101 107 108 109 111 112 113 114 115 116 117 118 119

Ladder 49

When the main characters in this thoughtful tribute to firemen aren’t fighting fires, they’re engaging in some occasionally clichéd melodrama, but at least the story is character-driven. It revolves around a very possibly doomed fireman (Joaquin Phoenix) trapped in a burning warehouse, flashing back on his life and his work—his first day on the job, the firehouse practical jokes, meeting his wife, people rescued—while his mates, led by the fire chief (a slightly soggy John Travolta), scramble to set up a rescue. The action sequences are first-rate, taking us in close. Unexpected ending.

Cinemas 1 26 31 55 62 71 82 90 95 96 99 101 109 110 111 112 113 114 115 116 117 118 119

Miss Congeniality2: Armed and Fabulous

Make that “Fatuous.” This is the kind of stale, shrill, pointless retread that takes the fun out of being a film critic. You know you’re in trouble when William Shatner is not the worst thing in a movie. I won’t even bother going into the alleged plot. But you should be warned that it was directed by John Pasquin (The Santa Clause, Jungle to Jungle) and stars an apparently desperate Sandra Bullock (in fact the whole thing smacks of desperation). Not a laugh in the entire 1:50. This is not a bad movie; it’s a brain-rottingly awful one.

Cinemas 1 27 40 60 71 82 90 96 101 109 111 112 113 114 115 116 117 118 119

Friday Night Lights

Way above average, relatively cliché-free sports movie is, like all good sports movies, not about the sport (high school football). It’s about redemption, doing it for the team, and, well, growing up. Based on true events, it takes place in one of those west Texas towns where football enjoys religion status. Head Coach Billy Bob Thornton’s social acceptability is directly proportional to his team’s win-loss record. Sports fever is apparently double edged. Several subplots keep the movie interesting, and there’s a wonderful performance by Derek Luke (Antwone Fisher) as the team’s star ego.

Cinemas 117 118 119

Walking Tall

I don’t know why “remake” these days has to mean “dumbed-down for the multiplex crowd.” Rent the 1973 movie starring Joe Don Baker. Army vet returns home to find the mill closed, a casino open and drugs rampant. Becomes sheriff, kicks butt. The film utterly fails to establish or maintain our outrage. I have no problem with Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson inheriting Gov. Swa-chan’s action-hero mantle; and I’m aware that his forte is butt-kicking. But can’t he occasionally do something, anything, to make a cartoon revenge fantasy like this more than just a series of soulless, violent set pieces?
Cinemas 4 119

Kingdom of Heaven

When he made the excellent Gladiator in 2000, Ridley Scott unfortunately and unknowingly spawned a bunch of imitators, vaguely silly sword-and-sandals epics like Troy and the even worse Alexander. So now he’s back to show ‘em how it’s done with this Crusades-era man-saga, dramatizing the siege of Jerusalem in the late 12th century. Orlando Bloom does a fine job as the humble blacksmith-turned-knight who in 1184 is pressed into service (and given a knighthood) by his dying father (Liam Neeson), and who goes on to become the defender of Jerusalem. An unseen Edward Norton stands out as the eerie voice of the leprosy-afflicted King Baldwin of Jerusalem; he wears a mask to cover his ravaged face. Best battle scenes since Lord of the Rings, neither overlong nor overdone (cool medieval war machines), and despite all the Christian/Muslim strife, a pacifist, tolerant message. At 2:20, it held my attention. Also a sultry Eva Green, a noble Jeremy Irons, a battle-hardened David Thewlis and a superb Ghassan Massoud as a ruthless-but-wise Saladin.

Cinemas 3 11 26 61 70 90 95 96 99 107 110 111 112 113 114 115 116 118

The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou

It’s probably best to go into this decidedly quirky film armed with a knowledge of director Wes Anderson’s previous films (which are The Royal Tenenbaums, Rushmore, and Bottle Rocket). Basically, it’s an homage to (or is it a satire of?) legendary undersea documentarian Jacques Cousteau. Bill Murray plays the world-weary title character, which resembles nothing if not his sly psych professor in Ghostbusters. Also aboard the “Belafonte” (a wondrous cutaway set, like a big doll house), are Anjelica Huston, Jeff Goldblum, a scene-stealing Willem Dafoe, Michael Gambon, Bud Cort and Owen Wilson, who thinks he may be Steve’s son. Not laugh-out-loud funny. Anderson’s wit tends toward understatement—to a point where some may miss it entirely. It’s unfocused and lacks a clear goal. But there’s so much wry humor coming from all directions that I ceased to care. Sometimes wonderfully whimsical is just fine. I was entertained but not captivated. And the music is interesting.

Cinema 100

Lemony Snicket’s A Series of Unfortunate Events

Essentially a kids’ film, but, since it was adapted from the somewhat warped and dark series of children’s books (the first three of 11, so don’t rule out a sequel), sweetness and light this is not. Three brand-new orphans (parents killed in a suspicious fire) are sent to live with a distant relative, the nefarious Count Olaf (Jim Carrey, who also does two other “characters”). Olaf stands to inherit their great wealth if they were to, unfortunately (nya-ha-haaa!) die. The brilliant set design is endlessly inventive. Not perfect, but above-average children’s fare.

Cinemas 1 29 31 55 62 71 82 90 95 96 99 101 109 110 111 112 113 114 115 116 117 118 119

Blade: Trinity

The first two Blade movies were unabashedly over-the-top and pure exercises in style over substance, but fun in their own way. The third installment, however, gives up on substance entirely. Also story line, suspense, and entertainment value. With more talking and therefore sillier, this lifeless, choppy effort lacks any real, um, bite. Sorry. This time out the unflappable Wesley Snipes is joined in the incessant ass-kicking by Jessica Biel, who’s hot, and by a wisecracking Ryan Reynolds, who’s not. Also the worst Dracula in film history. Even fans of the first two will consider this pushing it.

Cinemas 2 57 61 96 99 101 109 111 113 114 116 118

The Heart is Deceitful Above All Things

Asia Argento’s daring, brutal, and highly effective character study is a coming-of-age movie with a difference. Based on the autobiographical short stories of J.T. LeRoy, it could be called a kid’s-eye view of child abuse. Director Argento stars as young Jeremiah’s mom, giving a frightening new definition to the term “motherhood.” You would politely call her a “truck-stop hoor,” and her series of boyfriends is similarly vile, stupid and weak. Brutal it is, what with pedophilia, beatings, drug use, psychological abuse, but it is not graphic. It is, however, difficult to forget. Not for everyone.

Cinema 20

Ae Fond Kiss...

Ken Loach’s finely observed Romeo & Juliet tale of a second-generation Pakistani (Atta Yaqub) and a blond Scots woman (Eva Birthistle) in Glasgow examines the generational and cultural problems a wee thing like love faces when going up against not one but two intrusive religions (Gerard Kelly excellent as a powerful Catholic priest) and deeply rooted family traditions. The story’s been told before, but never by Ken Loach (My Name is Joe, Sweet Sixteen), and never perhaps quite so fairly. The film’s strength is its ability to view the matter from several equally heart-wrenching viewpoints.

Cinema 35

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story

Brainlessly brilliant, shamelessly funny spoof of those crushingly earnest sports movies focuses on the sport (game? activity? sadistic elementary-school ritual?) of dodgeball. Plot pits Peter La Fleur’s (Vince Vaughn) scruffy Average Joe’s Gym against super-smarmy, ludicrously pumped-up White Goodman’s (Ben Stiller) slick Globo Gym in a winner-take-all, $50,000 contest that will save Average Joe’s from bankruptcy, etc. A few too many shots to the groin, but the dodgeball scenes are technically authentic. (Kidding. Who would know?) And the finale is surprisingly moving. Not everyone will like this, but it’s fairly entertaining if you’re in the mood for some good Ben Stiller sophomoric silliness in the vein of Zoolander. Also starring Rip Torn as an aging dodgeball legend with some oddball training methods, Christine Taylor (Mrs. Ben Stiller) as the required doe-eyed romantic interest, and a couple of cameos I won’t spoil for you.

Cinemas 2 60 99 101 113 114

9 Songs

Versatile filmmaker Michael Winterbottom (Welcome to Sarajevo, Wonderland, 24-Hour Party People, In This World) now dabbles in pornography. Or is it sex education? Lisa and Matt meet at a concert (Black Rebel Motorcycle Club), go home and have sex. Repeat eight more times (Franz Ferdinand, Primal Scream, the Dandy Warhols, etc.; straightforward, bondage, oral, etc.). Refreshingly, the sex is totally gratuitous, with no justification, no explanation, and little dialogue. I had to watch it four times to be sure. Unfortunately, it’s fuzzed to death by Japan’s censors. Runtime: 69 minutes.

Cinema 21

Shall We Dance?

Amicable if conventional remake is far inferior to its low-key 1997 Japanese source, but this human-scale drama offers a few charms of its own. A materially complete yet somehow hollow lawyer (Richard Gere) is intrigued by the sight of a lovely woman (Jennifer Lopez) gazing sadly from the window of a dance studio. He investigates, signs up for lessons, learns she’s not interested in romance (thank goodness!), and then, to his surprise, fills the void within through dancing. Taken out of the original Japanese context, it loses a vital element—dealing with intimacy—that made the original such a treat. We’re given plenty of opportunities to admire J-Lo’s perfection, but perhaps it would have been more effective with someone a bit less pop-iconic in the role. You would be tempted to say the same thing about Gere, except that he puts in a surprisingly wry, sensitive performance, backed up by a fine supporting cast that includes Stanley Tucci, Susan Sarandon, Lisa Ann Walter, Bobby Cannavale and Omar Benson Miller. I liked it more than I had intended.

Cinemas 3 11 26 45 61 70 90 95 96 99 101 109 110 111 112 113 114 116 117 119

Hide and Seek

Your enjoyment of this gimmicky, post-Sixth Sense psycho-thriller will depend on your gullibility and how much you enjoy watching the psychological rape of a child. A little girl (a wonderfully creepy Dakota Fanning, possibly channeling the Addams Family Christina Ricci) and her dad (Robert De Niro) retreat to a secluded cottage to try to get over mom’s suicide. Kid develops an imaginary friend, which she blames for some increasingly nasty goings-on. It’s neither logical nor intelligent, jacks you around, cheats, and abrasively self-destructs in the third act. Directed by John Polson (Swimfan).

Cinemas 2 10 26 56 60 70 90 95 96 99 101 109 110 111 112 113 116 117 118 119

Cabin Fever

Group of sex-having horror movie victims doing horror-movie-victim things like trying to start cars that won’t start, having sex, running into the woods, engaging in sexual practices, going into the fruit cellar, fooling around, having their faces eaten by dogs and/or flesh-eating diseases, and doing all those colossally dumb things a good horror movie victim must do in movies like this in order to get shot/stabbed/strangled/infected/eaten/eaten alive, etc. As with most movies that try to be scary, funny, satiric and exciting, this spectacularly unoriginal cheapie fails at all these.

Cinemas 24 43

Hollywood Ending

Yes, I know Woody Allen’s recent works don’t match his earlier classics (whose do?), but I’d rather watch a mediocre Allen flick than Jerry Bruckheimer’s best. In this “Allen-lite” flick, a legendary art-house director (Allen) gets a chance at reviving his career with a $60 million blockbuster. He goes psychosomatically blind on the first day of shooting, but opts to fake it, working through the interpreter for his Chinese cameraman. No one notices. The satire could have been more biting, but fans will like the slapstick, one-liners and sight gags. It’s crafty and smart, but just not all that memorable.

Cinema 100

Thirteen

The teen angst is turned up to 11 in this horror film for parents. Tracy (Evan Rachel Wood) is taken under the wing of (and over to the Dark Side by) the manipulative, savvy-beyond-her-years Evie (Nikki Reed, who shares writing credits) and rapidly goes from able A-student to shoplifting slut. Coming-of-age films are hardly rare, but this unstinting, tell-it-like-it-is, cliché-free effort from Catherine Hardwicke is scarily convincing. Holly Hunter is outstanding as Tracy’s clueless-but-caring mother. The film is bursting with raw energy and does not candy-coat the horrors of the teenage years.

Cinema 32

Constantine

Keanu Reeves as a reluctant, evil-fighting good guy with supernatural powers in an overproduced, SFX-laden romp. Well, there’s a fresh concept. Could this be (shudder) Reeves’ idea of self-parody? Constantine can see half-demons, see, and if he sends enough of them back to hell, he can atone for his suicide (don’t ask). The Exorcist meets The Matrix meets Dirty Harry. Based on the Hellblazer graphic novels (comic books), it’s ludicrously plotted, awkwardly constructed and essentially meaningless. And what’s Tilda Swinton (as Gabriel, no less) doing in this mess? Ah, the hell with it.

Cinemas 4 5 23 47 60 70 81 90 95 96 99 101 107 109 110 111 112 113 114 115 116 117 118 119

Son of the mask

In possibly the most ill-advised sequel since Blake Edwards kept making Pink Panther movies after Peter Sellers died, someone named Jamie Kennedy spectacularly fails to fill Jim Carrey’s shoes (mask?). This powerful argument for cinematic celibacy is screechy, witless, offensively shallow, and ultra-manic from start to finish. The dialogue is putrid and the jokes are so bad you’ll be yearning for a fart gag to bring up the humor level. There’s even a superpowered baby! And its moral message about fatherhood is applied with a sledgehammer. If there’s a Mask 3, I’m not watching it.

Cinemas 2 29 40 60 96 109 111 112 115 118 119

Flight of the Phoenix

In this plodding remake of the 1965 thriller, a planeload of cliché-spouting stereotypes is downed by a CG sandstorm somewhere in the vicious-nomad-infested Gobi Desert and, despairing of rescue, they decide to build a flyable plane out of the wreckage. It starts with a spectacular crash-landing and ends with a spectacular take-off. But the middle 90 minutes is the cinematic equivalent of an airport transit lounge. This phoenix (turkey?) is filled with laughable dialogue and useless plot contrivances. And I will gleefully kill the guy who designed the “contemporary” music. Rent the original.

Cinemas 2 51 61 101 109 111 113 114 116 117 119

Bridget

Bridget
I would classify this movie is a mystery, with the main question being, “What the hell is Anna Thomson doing in the movies?” Unfortunately, pretentious director Amos Kollek does not share my bafflement, as this is his second film starring the scrawny, big-boobed bimbo (the intriguingly named but equally empty Fast Food Fast Women). Fortunately, you don’t have to watch these flicks. The actress (term used loosely) is approaching cult status in France, and that should be setting off alarm bells. Terrible delivery of a non-existent script. Don’t do this to yourself. Gave me a headache.

Cinema 99

Coffee and Cigarettes

Coffee and Cigarettes
Eleven vignettes by Jim Jarmusch filmed over almost two decades. In each black & white segment, pairs or trios of famous or almost-famous people, usually playing themselves, engage in consuming the title substances and talking. Usually past each other. If you had to pinpoint a commonality among the segments, it would have to be a lack of communication. Roberto Benigni talks at Steven Wright. Tom Waits and Iggy Pop. Cate Blanchett in a standout dual role. Alfred Molina and Steve Coogan in a microcosm of human nature. The brilliantly inserted music ranges from the Skatalites to Mahler.

Cinema 24

The Manchurian Candidate

I approached this remake of the 1962 John Frankenheimer classic with trepidation, but was pleasantly surprised to find an intelligently modernized and equally gripping tale of wartime brainwashing and political conspiracy. It helps, of course, that the director is Jonathan Demme (The Silence of the Lambs), and that the principal actors are Denzel Washington as the Frank Sinatra troubled sleuth, Liev Schreiber as the Laurence Harvey character, and Meryl Streep as his Machiavellian stage-mother, originally played by Angela Lansbury. All solid performances, but this certainly marks Schreiber’s arrival on the A-list. A platoon goes missing during Desert Storm but re-emerges days later with stories of the bravery of one man, who is awarded the Medal of Honor and 13 years later is on his way to becoming America’s first privately owned and operated vice president. Demme sneaks in to the mix several clever and contemporary socio-political references and advances the conspiracy to new-millennium dimensions that are not a little frightening. Didn’t care for the denouement, but on the whole, this demonstrates how thrillers, political and otherwise, should be made!

Cinemas 117 118 119

The Aviator

Martin Scorsese’s tribute to fractured genius and empire builder Howard Hughes is gorgeous, exciting, illuminating and compelling. The SFX in the heart-stopping plane-crash scene are seamless, Cate Blanchett is spot-on in the difficult role of Katharine Hepburn, and the scene where Hughes rips a Congressional committee a new one is alone worth the price of admission. But its biographic approach is scattershot and episodic, it assumes that today’s public (1) knows or (2) cares about Hughes, and, coming from the guy who made Taxi Driver and Raging Bull, it’s somehow disappointingly hollow.

CINEMAs 1 29 31 55 62 71 82 90 95 96 99 101 107 109 110 111 112 113 115 116 117 118 119

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

It is unlikely that anyone will spoil this unforced if offbeat romantic comedy/drama for you by telling you the plot, simply because such a thing is nearly impossible to do. Two people seemingly made for each other (strong rapport between Jim Carrey, in his best dramatic role to date, and an Oscar-nominated Kate Winslet) fall in and then out of love (it’s complex). The breakup is so painful that she avails herself of a peculiar memory-altering technology and erases him right outta her mind. He begins to follow suit, but has second thoughts as the procedure progresses. It’s like Philip K. Dick wrote a love story. This labyrinthine story is filmed non-chronologically, with the story coiling back upon and redefining itself. It constantly walks the cusp of reality and fantasy, but its ultimate, quite earthly message is that an imperfect love is better than no love at all. Strong supporting roles by Elijah Wood, Mark Ruffalo, Kirsten Dunst and Tom Wilkinson. See it!

Cinemas 5 30 47 63 96 109 112 114 120 130

Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason

You probably enjoyed Bridget Jones’s Diary. But would a sequel to such a happily-ever-after, complete-in-itself film work? In a word: no. This pointless, profit-driven, flabby regurgitation of material from the first flick (it actually disinters the romantic triangle!) is wildly absurd (a Thai prison?), relies on obvious slapstick (another brawl between Grant and Firth?), offers up redundant humiliations of Renée Zellweger (who has gone from charmingly zaftig to annoying fat chick), and resorts by the end to sappy melodrama and unforgivable emotional button-pushing. Glad I missed the book.

CINEMAs 3 11 26 45 61 70 90 95 96 99 108 109 110 111 112 113 114 120 130

National Treasure

Schlockmeister Jerry Bruckheimer’s latest insult to your intelligence is a comically illogical, dumbed-down DaVinci Code with car chases and explosions. It takes a lot of gall, even for Bruckheimer, to present with a straight face a plot this inane, involving a treasure map drawn in invisible ink on the back of the Declaration of Independence. Pat action sequences alternate with scenes of plodding exposition that usually end with the brilliant Nicolas Cage saying, “No, that’s not it! This could only mean…” Of course, he could have snuck a peek at the script. This one should be buried. Deep.

Cinemas 2 10 26 45 60 90 95 96 99 101 107 109 110 111 112 113 114 120 130

Sideways

Alexander Payne, who makes films that gently and humorously satirize American life (Election, About Schmidt), cements his reputation as the Director to Watch These Days with this lovable, constantly amusing human comedy. Miles (a never-better Paul Giamatti—American Splendor) and Jack (Thomas Hayden Church), two middle-aged college chums, head for California’s wine country for a weeklong bachelor party. Miles is a sad-sack divorcé who hides from life behind his encyclopedic knowledge of wine. The magic of this character is that, loser or not, many of us will in some way see something of ourselves in him. Jack, on the other hand, considers almost any wine just fine and is more concerned with getting laid one more time before marriage. They hook up, in decidedly different ways, with two wine-country women, Virginia Madsen and Sandra Oh, and, well, life happens. The comedy is unforced, the characters completely believable, the wine info authentic, and the music’s pretty cool. I didn’t want it to end, and would see it again.

Cinemas 99 101

Ray

Taylor Hackford’s (Chuck Berry Hail! Hail! Rock and Roll,An Officer and a Gentleman) approach to the life and music of the great Ray Charles is a bit conventional, but with music like this and an Oscar-worthy performance by Jamie Foxx, who absolutely nails the title role, that’s okay. The music is by Charles himself, who was closely involved with the project until his death last year. The film has a strong sense of time and place, and don’t forget we’re talking about nothing less than the birth of R&B music. It chronicles Charles’s life from the 1930s to kicking heroin in 1966, doesn’t soft-pedal the womanizing, and best of all examines how Ray came up with his groundbreaking country/boogie/gospel sound. A fit tribute to a man known as “The Genius.” Also Kerry Washington as his wife, Della Bea Robinson, and Regina King as “Raelette” Margie Hendricks. Big screen, please. For the sound.

Cinemas 1 7 20 54 96 101 109 111 113 114 130

Phantom of the Opera

This is a movie (or perhaps not) for those who greatly appreciate (cannot even tolerate) the lavish and beautiful (overproduced and overcooked) musical creations (repetitive schmaltz) of the brilliant (increasingly annoying) Andrew Lloyd Webber. And you know who you are. Joel Schumacher’s (Batman Forever, Falling Down) adaptation of this 140-minute celebration of lowbrow grandiosity looks great, but the plot is glacial and thunderously dull, the music clunky, the emotions forced, and the whole thing smacks of an attempt to milk a few more shekels from Webber’s biggest cash cow.

Cinemas 2 10 26 45 60 72 90 95 96 99 101 109 110 111 112 113 114 130

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