By Don Morton

Before Sunset

Ten years ago two young backpackers (Ethan Hawke and Julie Delpy) met on a train and decided to walk around Vienna until morning. This was Richard Linklater’s Before Sunrise, which I found a bit talky but the characters and motivations believable. They agreed to meet again in six months, but one failed to show up. Now, ten years later, he is in Paris signing the book he has written about this encounter when she shows up. He has a flight in 90 minutes, so they go for a stroll. At first they just talk around what they really want to know. They are, after all, adults now. But their body language is at least as important as their words. And then come these flashes of brutal honesty. It’s filmed in long takes and in real time, and the conversation is uncontrived and instantly believable (Delpy and Hawke share writing credits with Linklater). This insightful, enthralling and even revelatory film does nothing less than break new ground in the romance genre.

Cinema 100

Alexander

Oliver Stone’s sweeping, epic miscalculation depicts history’s greatest overachiever as an obsessed, indecisive, at-least-bisexual Hamlet figure. This unappealing sword-and-sandals bomb makes Troy seem focused and coherent. Hard to say which is funnier, the miscast Colin Farrell’s Irish accent or Angelina Jolie’s (as his snake-fondling, bitch-with-a-capital-“C” mother) Transylvanian accent, which is so thick it would crack up Bela Lugosi. The film’s six, sorry, three hours are filled with plodding battles that don’t mean anything, lots of anguish and, okay, some nice scenery.

Cinemas 4 5 23 46 60 70 81 90 95 96 99 101 107 109 110 111 112 113 130

The Notebook

Another noxious weepie from the pen of Nicholas Sparks, who inflicted upon us Message in a Bottle and A Walk to Remember. Its used-to-death, wrong-side-of-the-tracks romantic plot involves Ryan Gosling (The United States of Leland) and Rachel McAdams (Mean Girls) when the lovers meet in the late ’40s, and James Garner and director Nick Cassavetes’s mom Gena Rowlands in the present day, one suffering from Alzheimer’s. Paradoxically, though I found it soggy, sudsy, sentimental and maudlin, it’s also well acted and directed, and fans of this sort of mush could do worse.

Cinemas 4 5 30 48 63 90 96 101 109 111 112 120 130

The Keeper

Stopping by Japan on its very short journey to video release is this lame rip-off of The Collector, in which Dennis Hopper plays an obsessed sicko (you’d think he’d be a wee bit tired of doing this persona by now, but a paycheck’s a paycheck), a small-town sheriff who kidnaps nightclub stripper Asia Argento and keeps her in a home-made dungeon so he can teach her the “rules” of living a proper life. Still awake? This cheesy cheapie is unimaginatively directed, offers not a believable character, and follows a truly rotten script. Not even a renter.

Cinema 43

The Stepford Wives

Updated comedic remake of the 1975 sci-fi thriller about a town in which all the wives are perfect and pliant, and all the husbands share a dark secret. It should be pointed out that the original was not a comedy. But then, neither is this. Ira Levin wrote the novel when feminism was a fresh force on the social scene. But now? Its shallow, pseudo-feminist moralizing is irritating, the plot suffers from some gargantuan logistical, motivational and feasibility problems, it’s too light to be scary and too dark to be funny. Bright spot: Roger Bart as a gay “wife.”

Cinemas 99 101 113 114

Ray

Taylor Hackford’s (Chuck Berry Hail! Hail! Rock and Roll,An Officer and a Gentleman) approach to the life and music of the great Ray Charles is a bit conventional, but with music like this and an Oscar-worthy performance by Jamie Foxx, who absolutely nails the title role, that’s okay. The music is by Charles himself, who was closely involved with the project until his death last year. The film has a strong sense of time and place, and don’t forget we’re talking about nothing less than the birth of R&B music. It chronicles Charles’s life from the 1930s to kicking heroin in 1966, doesn’t soft-pedal the womanizing, and best of all examines how Ray came up with his groundbreaking country/boogie/gospel sound. A fit tribute to a man known as “The Genius.” Also Kerry Washington as his wife, Della Bea Robinson, and Regina King as “Raelette” Margie Hendricks. Big screen, please. For the sound.

Cinemas 1 7 20 54 96 101 109 111 113 114 130

Phantom of the Opera

This is a movie (or perhaps not) for those who greatly appreciate (cannot even tolerate) the lavish and beautiful (overproduced and overcooked) musical creations (repetitive schmaltz) of the brilliant (increasingly annoying) Andrew Lloyd Webber. And you know who you are. Joel Schumacher’s (Batman Forever, Falling Down) adaptation of this 140-minute celebration of lowbrow grandiosity looks great, but the plot is glacial and thunderously dull, the music clunky, the emotions forced, and the whole thing smacks of an attempt to milk a few more shekels from Webber’s biggest cash cow.

Cinemas 2 10 26 45 60 72 90 95 96 99 101 109 110 111 112 113 114 130

The Life and Death of Peter Sellers

According to this, Peter Sellers, who played so many hilarious characters, was an insecure, obsessive momma’s boy with no personality of his own, and was selfish and cruel to those around him. This may be true, but need it be the main focus? A bit vicious. Geoffrey Rush absolutely nails the title role, occasionally even switching costume to play Seller’s mother, Blake Edwards or Stanley Kubrick. But while this must have been a blast for Rush, its effect is alienating and underlines the film’s already schizophrenic tone. Also Emily Watson, Charlize Theron and John Lithgow. Less fun than I thought.

Cinemas 52 99

Touching the Void

Pseudo-documentary dramatic recreation of a 1985 incident on a previously unscaled Andean peak, in which a guy breaks a leg during the descent—certain death, we are told—is reluctantly abandoned by his partner, but makes it back alive. This harrowing tale of true adventure was marred for me by my own view that mountain climbers climb mountains so they can feel the wind blowing through the holes in their heads (there’s a reason some mountains remain unscaled), and by the self-congratulatory manner of the guys who did it as they tell how dangerous it was and how enlightened they now are.

Cinema 8

Ocean's Twelve

WHETHER OR NOT YOU LIKE THIS BIG-STAR HEIST FLICK DEPENDS ON how much you like those glossy movie magazines, because this affable but instantly forgettable and way-too-cute bit of self-indulgence on the part of otherwise talented director Steven Soderbergh is the cinematic equivalent. Sure, it looks like these stars are having fun, but are you really willing to pay to watch them doing it? It’s like they’re picking your pocket. The increasingly and unnecessarily convoluted, padded plot involves the original 11 crooks getting located by Andy Garcia, who they ripped off in the 2001 movie, but who graciously (not to mention inexplicably) grants them two weeks to come up with the millions they stole from him. This somehow evolves into a kind of thieving contest between Our Gang and another legendary crook played by Vincent Cassel. And golly, a cameo by Bruce Willis, too! Okay, guys, you had fun doing a location picture in Europe and all; now get back to work and make us some real movies.

CINEMAS 1 4 5 29 30 31 48 55 61 62 63 81 82 90 95 99 101 107 108 109 110 111 112 113 114 120 130

FATHER AND DAUGHTER

Eight-minute Oscar-winning (and over a dozen other awards) animation is aiming to set a Guinness record for the shortest film ever released theatrically. Not to deny the appeal of traditional animation and its newer CG cousin, but the amount of style and emotion this heart-rending film by Michael Dudok de Wit conveys with just a few pencil and charcoal lines is simply staggering. A father says goodbye to his young daughter and leaves. The seasons and the sweeping Dutch landscape change, the daughter grows to adulthood, then old age, yet her longing for him never eases.
CINEMA 8

FINDING NEVERLAND

MOSTLY FICTIONALIZED BIO-PIC ABOUT HOW FOUR BOYS ACT AS MUSES to J.M. Barrie, helping him to break his playwright’s block and come up with Peter Pan, his best work. It’s impeccably made (by Marc Foster—Monster’s Ball), uncontrived and three-dimensional, and the moving ending reduced this hardened critic to a blubbering mess. (I actually like it when a film can honestly jerk a few tears, without resorting to emotional button-pushing.) Once again, as with Pirates of the Caribbean and Secret Window, the main reason to see this movie is the beautifully nuanced performance by Johnny Depp. Few actors today could convey the blend of passion and guilelessness that Depp pulls off. Also Kate Winslet as the boys’ mom, Julie Christie as Kate’s disapproving mom, an amusing performance by Dustin Hoffman as Barrie’s droll producer, and a standout kid performance as well, by Freddie Highmore as Peter.

CINEMAS 2 11 34 53 61 90 101 109 110 112 113 130

TAXI NY

Vacuous retread of the French flick gets insulting before the opening credits finish. Queen Latifah, driving a cab that looks like “Q” whipped it up, teams up with a spectacularly unfunny cop (Jimmy Fallon), and the two basically chase down four Brazilian supermodel bank robbers for the rest of the film. It gets worse; the endless, obviously CG-generated stunts are so unbelievable as to be boring, and Ann-Margaret appears in a criminally misconceived role. Latifah, who should choose her roles more carefully, is a capable actress in the right role, but hardly a laugh machine.

CINEMAS 2 50 51 60 61 101 109 112 130

Allegro non Troppo

I enjoyed Italian animator Bruno Bozzetto's affectionate parody of Fantasia in 1977, but upon viewing it recently saw it more as an antidote to all that CG-laden, creatively empty crap we're being fed these days. It offers a darker sense of humor than the Disney classic as it illustrates such compositions as Debussy's "Prelude to the Afternoon of a Fawn," Ravel's "Bolero," and Sibelius's "Sad Waltz" (a real heartstrings-puller), Vivaldi's "Concerto in C Minor," Stravinsky's "Fire Bird," and Dvorak's "Slavic Dance." It explores themes of social absurdity, loss and loneliness, not to mention some decidedly non-Disney psychedelic erotica. And it's all cemented together by a frenetic, slapstick, live-action situation (in Italian) involving an orchestra of old ladies, a Woody Allen-like cartoon artist (co-writer Maurizio Nichetti) drawing the animations that accompany the music, a pompous conductor, and a groveling filmmaker/presenter.

140

Super Size Me

Everyone knows fast food is not all that good for you. But in this entertaining, informative and quite alarming attack on Big Macs and their ilk, writer/director Morgan Spurlock determines just how not good by, in the spirit of scientific experimentation, eating nothing but McDonald's food, three times a day, for a month. His rules are that he can eat only things on the McMenu, and has to answer yes if offered a super-size portion. He gains 30 pounds, his cholesterol hits the ceiling, his liver exhibits toxic shock seen only in alcoholics, and he can't get it up. Granted that no one, not even teenagers, are dumb enough to actually live this way, but he uses the experiment as a framework for several funny, often scary interviews, revelations and indictments on the fast-food industry. Especially enjoyed a really smarmy lobbyist for the industry toward the end. I immediately went out and bought some fruit.

Cinema 20 92 112

Sylvia

Film on the life of admired American poet Sylvia Plath, or at least the last seven years of it, from the time she met her husband, fellow poet Ted Hughes (Daniel Craig), in 1956 to her arguably inevitable suicide in 1963. It's Gwyneth Paltrow's most serious and emotionally rich role to date, and she plays the self-centered and generally unpleasant poet with sincerity and conviction. It's beautifully cast and avoids mythologizing, but it's ploddingly linear and (predictably) depressing, examining her sad madness but neglects to do much to inform us of her inspiration.

22 41

The Triplets of Belleville

Sylvain Chomet demonstrates with this satiric, visually stunning film that Miyazaki is not the only one making non-mainstream animations these days. Champion, a top Parisian bicycle racer, is kidnapped by gangsters during the Tour de France and taken to a vaguely North American place called Belleville to compete, in chains, with two other kidnapped bikers, in a bizarre kind of live arcade racing/gambling setup. Whereupon Champion's grandma (and ferocious trainer), Madame de Souza, and his dog set out to rescue him. In Belleville, they run across an eccentric trio of former vaudevillians who help them in their quest. This award-winning delight is endlessly inventive; I mean stuff you could never even imagine imagining. It's in French, but there's precious little talking at all, and none of it important (but great sound design). It's charming but scary, light but mournful, comic yet haunting and clearly quite impossible to describe. Not for kids. Don't miss it. (Japanese title: Belleville Rendez-Vous)

Cinema 8

The Terminal

In this fish-out-of-water fairy tale from Steven Spielberg, a guileless eastern European man (an excellent Tom Hanks) arrives at JFK airport just as there's a coup d'état in his home country. His passport is invalid and he cannot go home, so he must remain in the airport. Which he does for five months. For about 45 minutes, this is an unhurried, sweet and funny film, as our hero sets up house, finds employment, and interacts with a variety of airport denizens. But then it starts to get cute and increasingly forced, and as the belief-suspension requirement mounts, enjoyability suffers.

Cinemas 3 11 45 61 70 90 95 96 101 108 109 110 111 112 113 120 130

Alien vs. Predator

This schlockfest has been judged rather harshly as a cheap gimmick from an astoundingly originality-impaired filmmaker (Paul W.S. Anderson, who gave us the equally sledgehammered Mortal Kombat and Resident Evil), an attempt to resurrect two fading franchises and attract that pivotal demographic: non-reading 11-year-olds. But I'm here to state, unequivocally, that this monster mash is every bit as good as Freddy vs. Jason. Every bit. It effectively dispenses with those pesky human characters, which mostly scream, and with other distractions like plotlines. Who wins? Who cares?

Cinemas 2 10 45 60 90 96 99 101 109 110 111 112 113 120 130

Man on Fire

Revenge-violence flick has a former mercenary with major guilt and drinking problems (Denzel Washington) taking the job of guarding a little girl (Dakota Fanning) in kidnap-prone Mexico City. He's all business at first, but they gradually bond, and their scenes together are the best part of the movie. Then the kidnap happens, and the payoff is bungled. Tony Scott's increasingly grating MTV editing and camera work overwhelm this already thin plot, and it's way too long at 145 minutes, but fine performances by the leads elevate it to the watchable level.

Cinemas 4 5 47 6390 96 109 120 130

Buffalo Soldiers

Attention in this edgy, feature-length sitcom about some major US military misbehavior in peacetime Germany revolves around a gleefully greedy (and not all that likable) company clerk and black marketeer (Joaquin Phoenix). Think Radar gone bad, or Sgt Bilko meets Heist. His army motto could be "Steal all you can steal." He's got the dim-witted company commander (Ed Harris, cast against type and showing some unexpected comedic talent) in his pocket; he's bonking the commander's wife, and generally takes his dereliction of duty very seriously. Then this new, incorruptible top sergeant (Scott Glenn) shows up with his daughter (Anna Paquin), and the game's afoot. This film had the epic misfortune to have been premiered three days before 9/11, and was shelved for two years, it being considered "unpatriotic" to portray the US military as anything but heroic. It's darkly satiric, spot-on and highly irreverent. But unpatriotic? Please.

Cinema 49

De-Lovely

Cole Porter bio-pic has so many songs (performed with varying degrees of success by artists like Natalie Cole, Elvis Costello, Diana Krall and Robbie Williams) that you'd have to call it a musical. A clever framing device has the aged Porter (an elegant, witty, Kevin Kline) watching a ghostly rehearsal of a musical based on his life. Ashley Judd contributes a beautifully nuanced performance as the love of Porter's life-although a platonic one, as Porter was openly gay. Your enjoyment of this one will of course depend on your appreciation of the man's music. I found it de-lightful.

Cinemas 52 130

How To Kill Your Neighbor's Dog

Screwball little film about a glib, curmudgeonly stage director who speaks almost entirely in snide, misanthropic rejoinders and observations. (This would be one of the most irritating, overwritten movie roles of all time were it not for the fact that said curmudgeon is played by the verbally nimble Kenneth Branagh, and he makes it work.) His wife (a dazzling Robin Wright Penn), however, wants kids. The standoff is resolved when he meets a little neighbor girl with a touch of MS and they do the About a Boy thing. Not for everyone, but I found it charming, smart and constantly amusing.

Cinema 42

The Incredibles

Pixar, the superhero of animators, again pushes the envelope with their most ambitious film to date, the story of a family of superheroes driven to middle-class suburban exile (in the “Superhero Relocation Program”) after being sued too many times for unlawful rescue. Now out of shape and working for an insurance company, Mr. Incredible (voice by Craig T. Nelson) experiences a mid-life crisis and begins doing a little superheroing on the side, and soon the whole family (Holly Hunter as Elastigirl, Sarah Vowell as Violet, who does invisibility and force fields, Spencer Fox as speedy Dashiell, and baby Jack Jack, whose super powers have yet to be determined) is back in the crime-fighting business. Also Samuel L. Jackson, Elizabeth Pena and writer/director Brad Bird (The Iron Giant) as “E,” an amusing “Q”-type gadget-master. Everything works in this uplifting film, thanks to a script that’s smart, imaginative and astute. Kids will love it; but it’s the adults who will get it. I’d see it again.

Cinemas 1 4 5 23 40 47 60 70 71 81 82 90 95 96 99 101 109 110 111 112 113 114 120 130

Bad Santa

This unrepentantly rude antidote to Christmas cheer by Terry Zwigoff (Ghost World, Crumb) is a darkly comic tale about a foul-mouthed, drunk, puking, fornicating, safecracking department store Santa Claus (a "courageous" performance by Billy Bob Thornton) who is being stalked by a nerdy, needy little dweeb. I wanted to like this more than I did. Normally I praise movies that flaunt Hollywood formula, but I found this one-joke misstep to be mean-spirited and not all that funny. And Santa's monotonous cussing is so repetitive and unimaginative that it gives cussing a bad name.

Cinemas 20 64 71 101

End of the Century

When Joey, Johnny, Dee Dee, and Tommy Ramone burst out of Queens in 1974 with their refreshing, triple-time, misfit-rock anthems ("1-2-3-4!"), the leather-jacketed, high-school punks had no idea they were spawning a new musical movement; that others would take credit for it; and that they, though loved by their fans and adored overseas, would never have a hit record. This moving and often funny documentary by Michael Gramaglia and Jim Fields shows that though uniform in dress and adopted surname, they were far from united in political or personal outlook. Hell, they were a rock band.

Cinema 24

Saw

Overdone gothic-industrial B-horror flick opens with two men (Cary Elwes and Leigh Whannell) waking up chained to the plumbing on opposite sides of a disused public toilet, with the only route to freedom being the macabre use of the provided hacksaws. Se7en meets Cube. Kind of takes that "coyote ugly" joke to extremes. Their captor, a serial-killing puppet master with an apparent flair for production design, puts his victims in situations where death is the likely outcome. Flashbacks within flashbacks provide several gratuitous examples. Yuk. Hard-core, easily amused horror fans only, please.

60 99 101 113 114

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