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Italian Stallion

The Alfa Romeo 147 carries on its maker’s reputation for hot cars with unmatched sex appeal. William Bonds gets carried away.

The 147 gets high marks for its “cute little nose” and family-friendly hatchback design (below)

†If there’s one word to describe Alfa Romeo cars, it has to be “sexy.” The classic Alfa Romeo Spider is one of the sexiest cars of all time while the current 156 requires a lengthy cold shower before setting eyes on it. Today’s Alfa range also includes the chunky GT, the upmarket (well, a little bit) 166 and that divine little monster, the GTV. All are darlings of the design crowd. When the 147 came along, it was like this big Italian family had a cute little brother to fawn over. The Europeans were so impressed they named it Car of the Year.

But what, you might think, is it doing in Japan? Well, like any good Italian, showing off its good looks. The 147 has inherited the genes of the recent Alfa family, most notably in the cute little nose. The triangular radiator grille gives it a pouty and somewhat superior look—“Yes, I know I’m beautiful”—while the lovely Alfa wheels and low air intakes give it a bit of machismo. What we have here is a bit of a hermaphrodite. The transsexual nature of the 147 becomes more apparent when you drive it; the car may flirt wildly and give you the old “come on,” but the 1.6-liter engine flags a little in the sack. The contradictory nature runs through the entire car. For every little disappointment, there’s a little something else to cheer you up.

Opposites attract
The thoroughly gray nature of our test car is hardly going to set your blood boiling, but perhaps the drab coloring served the purpose of not raising expectations, making the pluses pleasantly surprising. For example, you may be surveying a gray car with a gray seat, but then you suddenly realize that the seat is wonderfully comfortable (although I never did find out why there is a ratchet on the side).

The main problem is the 147 can best be described as a nice little four-door 1.6-liter hatchback. Damning with faint praise? Well, you don’t go buying four-door 1.6-liter hatchbacks to go rallying or cross America. You buy them to get around town, to accommodate kids and shopping, and to get you into the countryside at the weekend. In other words, geezers need not apply; this hermaphrodite is for the ladies.

But if people are going to buy the 147 in Japan, it won’t be for superior technology, build quality or any other techy reason; it will be related, in some way, to sex. Because the 147 is also sexy in its own way.

Stops and starts
Without the 2.0-liter or mind-boggling 3.2-liter engine under the hood, the 147 is sexy in a touchy-feely kind of way. If you aren’t burdened down with passengers, heavy goods or even a family-sized pizza, the 1.6-liter engine might fool you into believing it could get from 0-100 km/h in under ten seconds, but it can’t. With a full load, it’s embarrassingly tardy from the lights.

Like many Italian cars, you need to get the revs up for anything to happen, but even by these standards, the Alfa’s power range is very limited (things happen, but only briefly, around 4,500 rpm). Overtaking speeds are a little better, but we’re not talking about a world-beater here. On the plus side, the Alfa’s braking system is awesome. It slows down a lot quicker than it speeds up, and that’s another good reason why people with families will appreciate it. Handling is also astonishing—in fact, the steering is almost too responsive—although the ride is a little jittery and just a tad on the firm side. The driving position is excellent and the steering wheel agreeably chunky, but the rear view is partially limited by the headrests of the rear seats.

The seats in the front are sport-ified and very comfortable while the rear accommodation is slightly more fundamental but with plenty of room for approximately 4.5 people. Up front, the dash is a kind of mottled plastic, simple and pleasant enough, while the heating system has obviously been designed by a designer—in fact, a designer who likes round knobs with little lights and cares not one bit about ease of use, logic or the temperature of the car. The stereo system is thumpingly good, the glove box almost non-existent (but, curiously, with a massive door) and the dials devilishly red, although you can’t see what speed you’re going because the speedometer is blocked by your left hand or the steering wheel. You can, however, see the display panel that tells you the date, your CD track number and the outside temperature. Oh, and we mustn’t forget the irritating center console that you must keep raised while driving in order to use the manual gearbox (which is very smooth and another of the car’s pluses).

One of the car’s big selling points is the mileage, which is some compensation for the lack of power. This car will take you a long way on a full tank of petrol, which is just as well, because going Italian is not exactly cheap. The 1.6-liter Twin Spark will set you back ¥2.5 million. That’s ¥250,000 more than the Mercedes Benz A Class, ¥300,000 more than the 1.6 Volkswagen Golf (and the same price as the 2.0-liter version), ¥500,000 more than the very stylish Toyota Will 1.8 and ¥1 million more than the Will 1.5. It’s also about the same price as the Mini Cooper S. That’s quite a lot of competition. So why would you choose the Alfa? Well, that brings us back to the Romeo factor.

Or, to put it another way, have you ever been seduced by a German or a Brit?

Visit www.alfaromeo.com or www.alfaromeo-jp.com for more information.

Photos by William Bonds

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